In several cultures, including desi cultures, Middle Eastern cultures and even Wester cultures, it’s no secret that double standards are placed on women in comparison to men. What men are excused for are things that women are condemned for. When a man violates a woman or a family unit that the man and woman are a part of, the woman is victim-blamed.
Why is that?
I’ve noticed through several instances that it seems that the burden of maintaining honor– of keeping the culture and traditions of families and communities in tact– is placed increasingly disproportionately upon women and girls. And connecting to this, I have the theory that women in particular are placed at the front and center of being responsible for upholding cultural and traditional elements because the men of their culture do not wish to take the efforts to uphold them. In other words, women are expected to compensate for the efforts of maintaining tradition that men choose not to put in.
And thus, it is common for men to get away with things that the culture agrees is “bad” or “wrong” or “deviant” or “rebellious”– they are coddled and excused from being held accountable.
Traditions, culture– the men don’t want to put the effort in upholding them, so they decide to place that burden on the women to compensate. The people of these cultures don’t want to burden the men, but are not only accepting of, but are eager to, burden their women. Even fellow women continue this trend where they prioritize the honor of their culture– the honor of their men– over the self-respect they have for themselves. Thusly, this is promoting and reinforcing toxic patriarchal standards and society where men cannot be touched, and women are to answer for the sin of men.
At the end of the day, this phenomena of double-standards regarding gender ties into the societal expectations that women exist primarily to serve, cater and submit to men.